


Escape Plan

by Mad_Muse_Musings



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Shameless Smut, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:13:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1407805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Muse_Musings/pseuds/Mad_Muse_Musings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint hates being in Medical. But Natasha is stuck with him this time, and thus a devious plan is hatched.</p><p>Clint Barton: Because Natasha had an amazing idea.<br/>Phil Coulson: Clinton!?<br/>Clint Barton: Well, I did learn something. When you masturbate when attached to heart monitors it freaks the nurses out.</p><p>Natasha's POV <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1444270%22"> I Have a Plan </a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Escape Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a text from last night: (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
> 
> Also, I feel like I should fair warn you all that this is my cherry popper for writing m/m smut... sorry if it sucks.

If there was one thing that Clint would firmly put in the category of loathe, it would be being stuck in Medical for any extended period of time. And this was not an exception. If anything this was a defining case in why he hated it.

The villain of the week had decided that biochemical warfare is what everyone needed in their life. Which, in the grand scheme of things was pretty stupid for said villain of the week, considering biochemical warfare only worked on a third of the Avengers most days. If they caught Bruce un-Hulked it would work on him, but only until Hulk shook it off. And if he managed to get Tony out of the suit, it would have been an issue, but after the one time that happened, Tony made that a bit harder. It was a shitty plan and Clint had informed Phil of that as they were strapping him down to a stretcher, which was much easier for his team than Natasha’s – those poor newbie medical staff would have bruises for weeks – and carting them both off to an isolated room to share.

“I feel fucking fine! Let us out!” Clint yelled, throwing his head back against the pillow.

“You know that isn’t happening until they do all their fancy science shit on that weapon.” Natasha muttered from the bed next to him.

“Like that crack pot could actually make something that would work. He couldn’t even think his plan through well enough to know that it would only work on a third of us!”

“Yea well…” Natasha trailed off before smirking.

“Oh god, what are you thinking?” Clint furrowed his brow at the same time as Natasha. “Maybe I have been dating Phil a little too long?”

“Ya think? Anyway…” She trailed off rubbing her hands together. “I bet they will let us out of here quicker if we are inappropriate while they are monitoring us.”

“You’ve been around Tony way too much. Not that that is a complaint, just observation. What are you thinking my devious little Russian?”

“After that line? Cutting your tongue out. Seriously though, what is the most inappropriate thing you can think of, while being confined to a bed?” She asked, arching her eyebrow.

“Masturbation?” Clint asked, quickly getting one hundred and ten percent on board with this plan.

“Of course.” She replied, and Clint watched as the thin white cotton boy shorts they shoved Natasha into every time she came to medical went flying across the room to land on the visitor chair. “Those things are fucking awful.”

Clint chuckled while he removed his own medical issue underwear, which was not much better than Natasha’s, and threw it with more accuracy than should be possible for cloth, to land on her discarded underwear.

Somehow Clint found himself behind the plan of action already though, because if Natasha was anything, brutally efficient would be high on the list. He turned to glance at Natasha only to realize she was long gone to whatever particular fantasy she had picked, her eyes closed and her breathing just a bit harsher than normal.

Clint grinned before turning himself away from her to wrap himself up in his own particular memory. It was one from a few weeks before, Phil had come home in a delightful mood, which meant his mission once he got through the door was to fuck Clint into the mattress. Not that Clint minds that when Phil has had a particularly awful day the only thing he wants is very vigorous sex, mind you, hell, he might even look forward to those days from time to time.

_Clint was standing in the kitchen cooking a very basic pasta dish for them for dinner, because Phil will always be the better cook and anything beyond basic for Clint would just be cruel and unusual punishment to Phil, because Phil was an outstanding boyfriend and would nod and smile and tell him “It’s wonderful, Clint” even when Clint was having a hard time forcing it down, when he heard the elevator ding._

_“Sir, I feel I should inform you that Agent Coulson is in a mood this evening.” JARVIS supplied a second after the ding echoed into the kitchen. And sure enough as Clint turned around to greet Phil, he was met with a very angry man who apparently had an awful day._

_“Should I just turn everything off?” Clint asked._

_Phil nodded, pulling at his tie already, his shoes already abandoned by the elevator door._

_Clint turned around and turned the burners off and before he could turn back around, Phil was behind him, pressing into him tightly before nipping at the spot right below Clint’s left ear that made his knees go weak._

Clint pulled out of the memory a bit when he heard Natasha start muttering. Straining his hearing a bit more than he probably should while he turned to glace at her, watching her drag her teeth over her lower lip, worrying it while she palmed her breast through the medical gown.

“Mhm, Melinda.” She groaned and Clint smirked turning his attention back to his own needs and half hard cock.

_Phil walked them into the bedroom, kissing Clint all the way there. His Property of SHIELD t-shirt had been thrown off in the living room, along with Phil’s suit jacket. Phil’s shirt had been lost somewhere between the living room and the door to the first extra bedroom, and both of their pants finally found the floor in the doorway of the bedroom, leaving them both panting in satin boxers, before Phil ran his gaze over Clint like he was a dying man in the desert and Clint was water._

_Clint found himself on the bed a moment later, Phil crawling up his body before bending to nip along his collar bone, leaving light red marks but never anything more. Clint was clawing at his back with dull nails, just as ready as Phil to speed this along._

_Phil pulled back just far enough to pull Clint’s boxers off, his eyes blowing almost completely black when he was able to let his gaze wash over Clint’s completely naked form, and a second later he had removed his own boxers, laying back down on top of Clint._

_“Fuck, Phil!” Clint hissed at the same time that Phil groaned at the first burst of pleasure from their naked bodies being pressed together, both absentmindedly rolling their hips into each other._

Clint distantly heard the heart monitors for both him and Natasha pick up their cadence of beeps, but he mostly ignored it and if the moan of Maria’s name that just ripped itself from her throat said anything, Natasha was too.

_Clint let Phil flip him over, grabbing a pillow to put under his chest in the same motion. A second later Clint heard Phil dig in their night stand and a small grunt of victory as he found the lube he was looking for, before coating a finger and starting to work Clint open._

_Even in the height of wanting to fucking Clint into the mattress, Phil was considerate of the process, never rushing it, even when Clint was feeling a bit daring and wanted to rush things, add the slight edge of pain that came with being not as thoroughly prepped as he could be. But Phil was also ruthlessly efficient at the process, knowing every inch of Clint like it was his own, knowing when to crook his finger, when to add another, how to angle things just right to drag fingers over Clint’s prostate._

_By the time Clint was prepped to Phil’s standards, they were both teetering dangerously close to the edge, but that was par for the course for this, and in the morning they would have lazy sex to make up for it, but for now, Clint just whined when Phil removed his fingers to roll a condom on and coat himself in a liberal amount of lube._

_Phil always tried to go slow pushing in, but Clint never let him, once Phil started, Clint pushed himself back onto Phil, a long groan ripping its way out of his throat once Phil was finally full seated in him. And god what a feeling that was, it was almost untopable, until Phil started rocking his hips in small movements. That made stars dance behind Clint’s eyes, Phil’s fingers digging into his hips while he started to set the pace, slow at first before picking up speed and force enough to have Clint moving on the bed slightly with each thrust, only to try to follow Phil when he pulled back._

“Fuck, Phil.” Clint groaned, tipping over the edge right as he did in the memory, a second before Phil had in the memory.

Now the machines were going crazy, beeping irregularly, but his heart rate monitor wasn’t anything compared to Natasha’s when she finally arched off the bed a minute later, cursing in Russian.

Clint remembered one night when they were on a stakeout they we board and started playing a game of what is the weirdest thing about yourself that you can think of, and Natasha had responded with post orgasmic arrhythmia. She won, but he thought she was lying at the time, now watching her heart monitor he had proof she had not been. Her heart beats were all kinds of funky, but before he could think about it much further a team of nurses came in and pretty much tackled her.

“Fuck, I’m fine!” She snarled at one of them. “It’s been this way for fucking ever, get the hell away from me and let me enjoy my god damn orgasmic bliss for five fucking minutes and it will right itself!”

Then all the nurses stopped and looked at both of them. The woman who was obviously in charge shook her head and looked like she wanted to kick them out of Medical right then.

“You were masturbating? In Medical?” She ground out.

Clint grinned and nodded. “Damn good orgasm too.”

“I fucking hate it when you two are down here.” She muttered before rounding up the other four nurses and leaving.

“So Melinda _and_ Maria hu?” Clint asked Natasha with a raised eyebrow before his phone chirped.

“Shut up, I have a thing for women I can spar with.” Natasha muttered.

Clint snorted before checking his phone.

**Phil Coulson: Why am I on the phone with Nurse Evert right now?**

**Clint Barton: Because Natasha had an amazing idea.**

**Phil Coulson: Clinton!?**

**Clint Barton: Well, I did learn something. When you masturbate when attached to heart monitors it freaks the nurses out. Especially with Tasha’s heart man. It’s fucking crazy after she cums.**

**Phil Coulson: I am counting to 10 right now, apologizing to Nurse Evert, and wondering if your friendship with Natasha is actually healthy.**

**Clint Barton: Like you wouldn’t mutually masturbate with Steve if he asked. God you act like it’s so weird.**

**Phil Coulson: Tell Natasha I am coming to get both of you in ten minutes. Apparently your little stunt made them realize you don’t need to be there.**

“Score, your plan totally worked. Phil’s coming to spring us.” Clint informed her victoriously.

Natasha smirked, but that was the extent of her reaction, and Clint watched as she came down far enough for the heart monitor to stop losing its shit.


End file.
